Protected: Dear my love…

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

I

There are just so many ways love stories can be told. Boy sees girl. Girl sees boy. Boy likes girl and in the end girl likes boy and they fall in love. But I must say this is one of those typical sappy love stories but it’s not.

Emily sat on her couch, flipping through channels leisurely while eating cheerios in a bowl of cold milk. The days were getting shorter and night was coming earlier on this mid-November day. She loved the cold and just sitting in her living room under a warm woolly blanket doing absolutely nothing but just thinking about the day’s activites. And here she was in her favorite position, half slid down on the couch with her legs folded close to her. But today she felt restless. She wanted to explore and doing something out of the ordinary, something crazy. She got off the couch and put on a warm coat and stuffed her feet in the fur lined boots. She wrapped around her neck a scarf only to find it getting too warm and in the end decided against wearing it. She opened the door and stepped into the elevator. Down, down, down. Ding, ding, ding. Sixteen floors and finally the small cart stops. She stand in front of the door, waiting for it to open and finally after what seemed eternity, it opened to a small crowd of people. They were waiting in the lobby for the elevator, that always comes a minute too slow. Emily noticed the kind old lady, always wearing home knit sweaters full of design and a designer coat who walks the dog always at 2 in the afternoon. She notices the children who always seem full of energy, for they laughed and ran where they went, and dressed in colors that match the current holiday season. Today they were dressed in an orange top with brown corduroy pants, one with a black scarf and the other with a white scarf. She noticed the business man who was constantly attached to his Blackberry, whether texting, checking his email or on the phone with a colleague or client. And of course, Emily noticed the young couple who seemed so in love that they hardly noticed the people around them–always in their own world. She wondered if the actual world was even in their sights but she knew the answer, for she had been in such love. Such simple, magnetic love. The love that draws everyone in and makes all yearn for their kind of love and that makes even the older couples wonder where their chemistry had gone.

She walked out the door, stopping to say hello to George, who always opened the door for her, rain or shine, and took a left. She loved the cold, swift late Fall New York wind, the way the cheeks turn pink in the cold. As she walks, she closed her eyes, took a breath of the crisp Fall air, and.

Um…Not great?

It’s funny how things work. The one thing you try to run away from, turns around and follows you again. So back to square one. Give up. That’s what I should do and what I should have done long time ago. Why is it so hard though? Grrr. I hate this. Winter’s almost here and I have not yet succeeded in what I intended to do. Aw Man this sucks. Aish~ Seems like no one is really the ONE. hahahahah

Dude Vania, what am I going to do???????? Who’s going to ice skate with me??!!!! When it snows??? Who’s going to be super excited with me when the first snow falls???None of you guys are here to excite with me:( Poops..I wish people wouldn’t steal my word, Poop. Grr….Aish….>.< Aw man, so first I don’t have a 남자, second it’s not snowing yet, and third, SOMEONE STOLE MY WORD “POOP”!!!!!! This is sooooo not good.

Protected: In the end, I’m alone again.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Kim Tae Woo

Kim Tae Woo’s voice melts my insides.
Turns them into a puddle of chocolate.
Even when he just talks, his voice <3

gahhh!!! i’m such for guys like him:D

2 times now..

I hate it when the people around me are hurt.
I hate it when I can’t do anything to help them.
I am helpless. They are helpless.

How do I comfort someone who has been hurt so badly?
I just don’t know how..all I can say is to keep the faith. and hope they don’t do something stupid.
Even when if I’ve only known you for a while or for a long ass time, it hurts to see someone I know get hurt.
It’s like I wish I could take the pain away from them and have me carry it all on me. Because seeing them hurt or troubled is horrible. This is the second time in the month where I have to see someone be troubled or hurt. I can only guess at what happened and only imagine the pain you’re going through.

I just don’t know what to say or do to make things better for you. All I want you to know is that I’m there for you, a friend, sister, or simply a person to talk to. Gosh, life really gets you sometimes..

—————————————————————————————-

You know you’re still young right? You do know, there is a whole meaning behind all of this right. You know that you have like at least 30 years ahead of you right? All this is just a sign to leave it all behind and start all over from scratch and though it’s hard, it’ll probably be worth it. It’s just too early to be so committed. I know you love and when the love is more one-sided than equal, you’ll get hurt but it’s too early for that. You’re only 19. ONLY 19…too young for that. I haven’t been in a head on relationship but I can imagine how hurt it must have been to have someone you love do that. To turn you down. To turn away from you when you’re loving them the most. It hurts. and probably a lot. I can only scold you for being stupid but I hope you learn. There is more ahead in this world, life; so much more to look forward to. And though it may seem like one dark room, so dark you can’t even see the five fingers in front of you, but you’ve got to believe…believe is what you HAVE to do. No questions, just believe that this is for the better. Embed it into your mind and your heart. This is right. This should be done. This is the only way. You will soon, then, see the light slowly peeking out of the dark clouds, the sun slowly rising out of the rainy clouds. Cry and hurt all you want right now, and do it all now but just remember that there will be a rainbow after the rain. And at the end of that rainbow is a pot of gold. Please, please, just talk if you need to. Call me, text me, fb me, email me, do whatever you please but just nothing stupid. This is all a rite of passage, you have to know. One or two in life is normal and you WILL, notice you WILL  get over this. Fighting!! <3

Reflection

Wow, summer’s almost over and then it’s senior year.
The final year of high school. Wow.
It’s really the end of my four year high school career.
Everything I’ve done and been through with everyone is all about to become memories.
Like books on a shelf, I think I have to put these memories away.

I want to go the East coast.
Where I know no one and no one knows me.
Where everything is a new beginning and an new experience.
Then again, do I really want that?
My friends, my family, everything.
All here, right next to me. The familiarity.
I guess I have to sacrifice some things to get further in life.
I guess it’s good to be able to start anew, to be able to start on a clean slate with everyone.
I made many regretful choices and now I feel guilt.
In a way it’s me trying to get a away, but I don’t know what else to do.

Senior year looks nice, sweet, easy on the surface, but when you get there, it’s actually pretty horrible.
Well…at least right now at this moment or more like Wednesday from 4-6PM.
SAT, college apps, the right college…I mean I want to make the right choice but it’s so hard!
ok SAT.
not bad, just memorize vocab, remember what Mr. Allen tells me, study, and be careful.
But college?
Where do I want to go?
Do I even want to go at all?
Am I making the right choice?
Will I even get in?
All these questions just stress me out!!:(
I want to go but then again all hits trouble.
One word description: UGH! (and a exclamation mark)
Yea, I would probably love the dorm life, the freedom, and the food (hahahah)
but leaving the people I spent my high school years with?
*sigh*
I don’t know.

The past three years have been eventful.
So many changes but I lived through them all.
Freshman year was tough for me, the most changes occurred then.
Life did a 360 degree turn on me.
But I got through.ok.
Sophomore year was a little better.
Not really much to say except I had a lot of fun in Chem with Vania and Christine.
A lot of, I guess, bad things happened that year.
Grandpa’s accident, my sorta accident…
it was the first time my parents went on vacation without me and my brother.YAH!!
Junior year was stressful.Mostly AP classes.
Though I have to admit the work was worth it. (5 in Bio and Calc BC and 4 in Stats)
The classes were more fun except Spanish
Especially English with Vania!!!:)
and Bio with Christine.
I swear that class was probably the ultimate best class I ever had.
We were like family, and, just everything was great about the class.
Although the work was hard and tedious, but the people were the absolute best.
Allain with his super hard-working attitude and of course good, no, the best grades.
Warren with his clueless questions.
Christine with her random questions.
Steph with her I-don’t-really-know-how-to-explain coolness.
Jenny and her really cool glasses!!and too many people.
The last day of AP Bio was pretty awesome.
Choir, too, junior year in choir was the best.
Although, I have to admit, we sounded pretty bad at every festival, we were pretty close.
We all knew we sounded bad and that’s the funny part.lol
The in-between-concert outings with Joyce and Steph.
The absorption of “stories” from Farah and Terry.
Just everything was memorable.
So much fun and memories in Junior year, now looking back, I miss it so much.
I hope senior year will be as fun!!

Before senior year I want to go on vacation too. To Taiwan and Australia.
Maybe Korea?
But I’m worried about time.
All I really want is time:to hang with my friends and to have fun.
So much to do before college, so little time.
So many thing s to still have to accomplish and to try. I hope I have time.

Just everything I have to think about before senior year starts.
I wrote a song about us, as seniors, leaving high school. I hope I will have the courage to perform it.
Really, though, I will miss everyone and everything that happened.
Whether good or bad, it was all an experience.
Even though I haven’t really even started in on my SENIOR year, just thinking about it is…
heart wrenching.

Senior pictures soon!! What to wear?? I hope I don’t turn out that bad..haha

-July 2008 wretch.cc/blog/dreaming117

hmmm…funny how life turns out:)

Floor

8 floors. 16 floors. 10 floors. 10 floors. Which floor do I go on today? Hm….I guess the 4th floor seems ok. Not too high and not too low. I step out, turn left, and enter the quietness of the library. There are a couple whispers here and there. I walk peeking through the bookshelves, looking for a seat that suit me and my computer. I walk to the back and see people I know. A simple hello and again I’m off. No seats. I walk out the door into the different setting, louder. Into the East Wing, look, look, look, peek. Nope nothing on the 4th floor. Exasperated, I walk towards the elevator. Passing the elevators, I could be lazy and take the elevator to the 5th floor, but here I stand, in front of the stairs already. Here I go. Step, up, Step, up. 5th floor. East Wing first. Peek, peek, peek, look. Nope. Nothing. West wing. Peek. I spy seats, empty seats. I walk to the back, trying not to make too much of the swishing noise made by the arm and body of my new jacket. Oh! I spy electric plug!! Yes!! Plug in the cord, now all set! Pull the cord towards my table, only to find the cord too short in my dissatisfaction. I move, to the cubicle. The small, claustrophobic cubicle and here I am. Ready. to start my journey into homeworkness.

And it all started with the choosing of the floors. I say, magic doesn’t happen often. But there could also be little sparks that fly into accidently. Like I said before, surprises, I like them, especially if it’s a present.

…

I never know what to say….
These things seem to always happen to me…
And yet, I never know what to say, or when to say what…
I am lost in this big world. I am that small grain of salt in that enormous ocean. No one can find me….
What do I do?

This week hasn’t been the greatest, but I have been trying to let it all pass, forget about the bad, start with the new and the good. Is this a test? What are You testing me? Reminds me of Job and Jonah. This, today, was the worst; but she’s my friend, I can’t do that to her. I must keep to myself. I need some time alone but I need someone too.  I miss my lovelies.

I am sad. Real sad. I don’t know why. Why do things happen to me? Who am I and where am I supposed to be? What should I do? Cry. is all I can do. Cry with no words.

Who do I miss?

So who do I miss on this gloomy, cold day.

I miss my family:mommy daddy Jon
I miss my friends: lovelies
I miss the kids: TL children–Milton, and his dazzling eyes, Evelyn, Erin, Serena, JenJen, Rachael, Jennifer, Crystal…everyone

I miss my cozy home, the familiarity. I miss my life.