Do you remember the days when I listened to kpop and spazzed crazily over these people? Remember the days when I was unhappy about my parents nagging me about school and being so restrained in my social life? Not that I exactly want that life back but I thought it was to get better? It has, I’ve met so many people and have so many opportunities in front of me but why still I’m back at that emptiness? Perhaps this is the reason I don’t believe in God, because he’s not in my life as I see it. He’s not there creating miracles in my life for me to believe his existence. Then why, must I fall under peer pressure and go to small group and what not and push myself to be someone I know I’m not going to be? I’ve changed, yes I understand that. Maybe I’ve turned a bit harsh, perhaps I no longer believe in this world and I don’t know what to believe anymore. It’s all a lie anyways, so what’s the point in trying? I want to try and pick up where I left off but I just don’t have the motivation. I’m just so tired and sick of myself being who I am. I’m sick of myself I should say. It’s not the world’s fault. Bye world? Goodbye social media, back to tress and grass and nature?
Honestly, what is there to look forward to everyday? No one to come home to, no one to share all my “blessings” (all the good things in life), no one to spend excess time with. Then what? All I can look forward to is failure ahead.
