Some say life is too short
some say it’s too long
and then some are in between
what i want to know is
why is can be short or long
life is life, when you live day by day
you don’t notice time
but then again
who doesn’t check their watch
to see if he is late
but then again
who really lives lif to tis fullest?
when they don’t know what full is…
summer 2008
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I bet you don’t remember
the day we actually first met
the lonliness I saw in your eyes
while I walked mesmerized into thewall
and then the next
when you first spoke those words
we became less of strangers
and more as friends
*I want to live, love out loud
my heart tells me to while my lips say no
I can’t stand the way we are
I want to go back
back to yesterday*
The flowers, the atmosphere & the balloons
started the story between me and you
you gave so much but I still was so cold
until we became strangers again, I started to cry
*I want to live, love out loud
my heart tells me to while my lips say no
I can’t stand the way we are
I want to go back
back to yesterday*
Just like the sun sets and rises
i wish we were never changing
always bright and sunny and never gloomy
but i can’t go back to stop my thoughts
until it’s too late for the price i must pay
*I want to live, love out loud
my heart tells me to while my lips say no
I can’t stand the way we are
I want to go back
back to yesterday*
this is a test for all this mess
our very first and our very last
because there never really for you
that pronoun “we”
October 9, 2008
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The scattered lights across from my window
remind me, where I want to be
there on that top floor where the view is picture perfect
But I often forget the work need
to get me to that top floor
the effort, the sleepness nights, the work,
the strength, the amount of me I must put in
So today I remind you again
to ask why you’re here. to tell yourself
where you want to be.
to tell yourself how much you want it &
how much you are willing to work
remember that self who was so stubborn
who made that promise of hard work
remember?it wasn’t that long ago.
don’t change again, keep that faith
Find yourself again, find faith in
yourself, your life, your goal and hopefully Him
He will be there to push you up there!
He knows you can do it & you must know it too
so show us, show me you can do it & once
You’re just that 1% away He, out Father, will
extend out his hand & pull you up to the top
floor with the picture perfect view
September 28, 2009
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You know when it happens
the wind blows you away
and the world spins so fast you don’t know what to do
And you try to smile your way through
But it’s more than you can ever guess
It’s all over now
And now you close those doors
no turning back
’cause it’s the end of that page
And though you want to stay
there is no easy way
just stop my heart now
from flying away, from flying away
We all yearn for what we haven’t got
But it’s a matter of getting that spot in our heearts
Reaching for that big apple is all we ever want
But now we have it all
It’s all over now
And now you close those doors
no turning back
’cause it’s the end of that page
And though you want to stay
there is no easy way
just stop my heart now
from flying away, from flying away
Through the arch we walk
down that busy street
behind is our fountain
and all of our dreams
throw those hopes away
they don’t mean a thing
just keep walking down
our new paven street
So thus my life
now as I remember
who I am
It’s all over now
And now you close those doors
not turning back
’cause it’s the end of that page
And though you want to stay
there is no easy way
just stop my heart now
from flying away, from flying away
October 2, 2009
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The Christian Boy
What do I say about him?
What should I say about him?
He’s
kind
faithful
generous
dorky
funny
sweet
quiet
friendly
manly
boyish
childlike
innocent
loving
and always. Always knows his way
He seems so sure of the love he has
so correct and it’s just, amazing
the faith he has for You is amazing
something I hope to learn
yet how I yearn for his attention
for his comfort, for the comfort, for our comfort
for then, he’s natural. the Natural Dork
the natural one who will teach me
who You are, who can show me the grace and mercy of You
how I wish to be next to him
But just also for him to hold my hand
and keep me smiling through these times
How I long to be:
his Christian Girl
November 23, 2009
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Why do I feel like I must hide from you?
So that you will never see or know.
So that others won’t be hurt.
You’re just adorable and cute and all I can say is….
I can’t…
You’re image in my head always,
the smiles so rewarding, the laughs so happy
treasures of from under the sea
I see now, what can I do?
So not to be hurt by the truth
I want so much, so much I want
for you are the one I also want
Father and you, right now, please?
December 8, 2009
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Smiling so innocent
A simple act can change so much
Just your word and my name
Is all that needs to make my day
I wake and I see you
I sleep and I dream you
Your everything is within me
And nothing will make it change
That black jacket of yours
That hoodie of yours
What is it that makes me notice
And you not realize
I see but am blinded
your kindness and care for all
I wish to be like you
with you at every joyous moment
but we are separate as far as the sun and the moon
December 13, 2009
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Heart pounding feelings every time I see you
I can understand why others may be annoyed
this obsession of mine, has to stop
how and why should it stop if I also want it so much
this feeling of likeness wants to rush
rush like the Fall wind through the falling leaves
like the thundering waves upon the sandy beach
like this my heart wants to rush
slowly, such polar opposites
slow like the snail crawling along the sidewalk towards the green lawn sprinkled with mildew
like the rain drops sliding down the window panes of a car
like this my heart has been asked to move
My heart, is beating a breath for you
My mind, is thinking thoughts of you
My being is crazy for you
December 8, 2009
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Blank
Would blank ever love me if they knew how much bitterness I hold
Would blank ever love me if they knew how much I hated my home
Would blank ever love me if they knew I was this complicated
Would blank ever love me if I fail school
Would blank ever love me if I cried all day
Would blank ever love me if I never said thank you
Would blank ever love me if I defied everything they said
Would blank ever love me if I disagreed with everything to piss them off
Would blank ever love me if I was angry and mean to everyone
Would blank ever love me if I got mad that they didn’t know me
Would blank ever love me if I have nothing ever left to say
Would blank ever love me
Would blank ever know
Fill in the blank.
December 30, 2009
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What is there left to say?
I broke it. I’m broken.
Bad, very bad.
How to apologize?
Hurt, I hurt it.
Never a day to celebrate.
Happiness, where is it?
Leaving.
Leaving to emptiness.
Alone, all alone.
No more. No more.
January 31, 2010
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Someone I knew
I saw someone today with a glass heart
that person’s heart was so beautiful
if you saw him from a far, you could tell he was happy with ripples of laughters across his face
if you got close, you can see the lines of smiles around his eyes
if you heard him, you would notice the happy intonation
the excitement existing around him
he sent an aura of pure happiness and excitement
But as I got to know him
I saw more of him than I would ever ask for
the cracks on his glass heart each slowly revealed itself to me
I seem to be a far looking in on his heart
it was as if all I could do was watch
as the cracks presented themselves to me
I wasn’t able to anything but hope for the best for him
He told me he was afraid that he would be erased
yet he said he wanted to be erased
I couldn’t but help but let my tears fall as these words were echoed in my head
I want to help but I didn’t know how
I don’t what to do anymore
Slowly, I can see some pieces fall from his glass heart
the glass heart that was actually really pure
the glass heart that was actually really kind
the glass heart that was actually really lovely
yet he didn’t know it
yet he doubted it
yet he wanted to forget about it
What can i do if someone has a glass heart
how do you mend back together a glass heart that has started to fall apart
how do you help someone who is afraid to sleep in the dead of night
who is afraid that once they close their eyes, all will be lost
always forgetting that as day breaks, his spirits always are lifted
who locks up his glass heart with a golden key
a golden key he has consciously hidden
hidden so he never has to deal with the tears that would fall
the sadness he would cause
the disappointments he would inflict
How do I find that golden key for him?
February 5, 2010
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When the birds are flying high
When the sun shines down so bright
all the troubles seem to float away
like a boat on its own course
Winter’s coldness lets away
leaves paths of green in its way
shoes of every sort and size
leads to each a different kind of prize
How I wonder
heart spring to each other
as laughter rings around me in the air
*Confidence in each stride
smiles exchange each pass
all I want to know
is if you feel my love inside
trembling at each note we pass
melting on the spot that we stand
in my eyes, tell me, what do you see?
perhaps, hand in hand we cross busy streets
print by print barefoot on the beach
tell me though, is it something called love?
is it something called love?
or something close to love?*
la la la~ da da da~ doo doo doo~ datdatdaterdat…
February 19, 2010
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Love
It fills, It empties
we cry, we laugh, we pout
It bursts,It mends
we run, we chase, we grab
It heals, It tears
we stop, we wait, we go
One day It leaves
we hurt and beg
but It turns without a glance
so we stand drenched
in tears, sadness, rain, anger
but more in pain
to walk on our broken leg
in the harsh, bitter cold
but more in hurt
to pick ourselves up
all alone with no help
One day It returns
we reach out and stretch
It holds on to our arms
no longer our legs
So we are guided
through Daisies, happiness, dandelions, reassurance
but more through a new journey
we will trek
with new hands
with new eyes
with a new heart
that opens a different chamber
for It
March 30, 2010
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Weighed down by these rocks
I’m weighed down by these rocks
drowning into the dark waters
that round circle of light leaves me further
falling deeper and deeper
until I remember to pull the loose string
a rock falls as I feel as I rise
the round circle of light becomes clearer
reaching for that loose string
strenuous but I have to work to get
bending and twisting in pain
until one by one the rocks fall and I rise again
to the sky, the blue sky with the soft white clouds
The sun has never shown this bright
July 27, 2010
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Drone out the sounds
I don’t want to hear them
turn off the lights
or blind my eyes
I don’t want to see
All I am embodied by is hurt and pain
like a closet growing tinier and tinier
its walls are covered with rusted nails
poking into my heart
making it bleed out,filling the space with a puddle of blood
don’t smile at me or laugh with me
i’ll regret my choice
i’ll hurt because of your effort and my failures
i’ll die because you loved me
i can’t take your love anymore
stop, poking into my heart
July 25, 2010
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She saw the cities great lights in the night. She saw the reflection of those glass windows through her tinted lens. Like a little girl in a candy shop, she smiled at each sight because she got what she wanted. Even if looking was all there for her, at least she was there and so satisfied. And so, she’s constantly trying to get back, trying to find her place and way back into that world. Everyday, it’s in her head, calling for her. They’re playing the game of hide n’ seek; she sees his clear face in her head as a key and refers to it to find him, but he only shows his shoes before he disappears again. And she see those white laces, following them until they disappear and she’s standing in a dark forest filled with nothing but darkness and his occasional blinding white laces. She gropes around in hopes of a trunk to guide her way but nothing but darkness and his occasional blinding white laces. And so she continues, still lost.
July 25, 2010
